My wife and I have four children: two boys and twin girls—primary and pre-schoolers. Despite our efforts and lofty ambitions, we struggle to model Christian disciplines to them. So like many families, our children experience a smattering of hasty school drop-off blessings, ad lib graces, post-dinnertime Bible “chats”, bedtime Bible stories and prayers, and impromptu moments triggered by discipline, injuries, disappointments, fears, and so on. Any memory verses that have stuck have tended to come to us in song form.1
As we continue to make efforts with our impressionable youngsters, I think of Paul’s words to the Philippians:
whatever is true, whatever is honourable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things. What you have learned and received and heard and seen in me—practice these things, and the God of peace will be with you. (Phil 4:8-9)
These are the things I seek to practise and pass onto my children so that they too can experience the God of peace. But, how?
A posture of prayer is something our children can hear, see, learn and receive. Instead of needing to be taught, prayer is something that we can simply demonstrate. Rightly or wrongly, the practice that has received the most attention, intention, and consistency in our family is the bedtime prayer. In fact, the first prayer we developed for our eldest was a bedtime prayer implemented when he was still a toddler with limited speech.2
In addition to the Lord’s Prayer, this is the current iteration of our bedtime prayer:3
Dear heavenly Father,
Thank you for Daddy, Mummy and [siblings]. Thank you for our friends and family. We pray that more of them would come to know Jesus as their Lord and saviour. Thank you for our home and all the wonderful things you have given us to look after and enjoy. Most importantly, we thank you for Jesus: thank you that he died on the cross to take away our sin, and that he rose again to new life, defeating our enemies of Satan, sin, and death so that we can hope for eternity with you, bodies raised and earth renewed. We thank you that Jesus is ruling and reigning at your right hand in power. We thank you that we can trust him with our lives.
We pray for [name of child]’s future: we pray that he would never know a day apart from the Lord Jesus. We pray that he would turn from his sin and trust in you. We pray that he would be obedient, and that he would see his obedience as a blessing. We pray that he would grow up to be a solid, godly man, and that whatever you call him to do, he would do it with all his might to serve the Lord Jesus, for his kingdom and his glory. We pray that he would look for the day of Jesus’s return—in whose name we pray. Amen.
What follows is a synopsis (not necessarily in order) of the theological convictions that prompted—and will hopefully continue to prompt—changes to our family’s bedtime prayer over time.
Evangelism
Thank you for our friends and family. We pray that more of them would come to know Jesus as their Lord and saviour.
There is nothing wrong with thanking God for friends and family, and what a blessing it is when some of them are Christian brothers and sisters! But we wondered whether we were really thankful for our non-Christian friends and family if we weren’t expressing our gratitude to God and intentionally asking him that they come to know Jesus as their Lord and saviour. In the first week of adding this modification, one of our children asked whether specific members of our family “knew” Jesus. So the addition has had its intended effect and now ensures that we are repeatedly raising the issue that we have friends and family who we love, and who we would love to love Jesus.
The resurrection and ascension
We thank you for Jesus: thank you that he died on the cross to take away our sin, and that he rose again to new life, defeating our enemies of Satan, sin, and death so that we can hope for eternity with you, bodies raised and earth renewed. We thank you that Jesus is ruling and reigning at your right hand in power.
Jesus died on the cross as the substitutionary Passover lamb who takes away the sin of the world (John 1:29). The record of debt that stood against us with its legal demands was set aside and nailed to the cross (Col 1:14). But in this prayer, we thought it necessary to highlight some of the other significant aspects of the atonement—such as those Paul also features in his letter to the Colossians. For example, in 2:12, Paul reminds us that in baptism we are “raised with him” through faith in the powerful working of God, “who raised him from the dead”. Furthermore, Paul goes on to say in 2:15 that “He disarmed the rulers and authorities and put them to open shame, by triumphing over them in him”. There would be no defeat of Satan, sin and death if Jesus was still in the grave. So in affirming the resurrection, we rejoice and declare with Paul that
“Death is swallowed up in victory.”
“O death, where is your victory?
O death, where is your sting?”
(1 Cor 15:54b-55)
Still, there is more to celebrate: Christ’s defeat of death ensures that we too will be raised to life in immortal bodies like his when he returns. While we wait, we continue to trust that Jesus’s reign is extending the global reach of the gospel, hastening the day of his return, and preserving the saints in their service to the kingdom.
Return and renewal
We thank you for Jesus … that he rose again to new life, defeating our enemies of Satan, sin, and death so that we can hope for eternity with you, bodies raised and earth renewed.
The previous point about the resurrection generates the impetus for this one: it’s too easy for our kids to grow up with fluffy, immaterial, vague and fanciful impressions of the life to come—impressions that deny the inherent goodness of the tangible creation that God originally declared good and very good. We want our kids to look forward to the resurrection.
Whenever our sons, who were old enough to remember my dad, grieve his passing—whenever our kids ask us why God allows Christians around the world to die of COVID—whenever the realities of this life point to suffering and decay—we have an opportunity to comfort them with the hope that our future bodies will no longer suffer fragility or pain.
We also want our kids to know that God will not simply abandon the creation he started—as if it was a failed attempt that is now too far gone and beyond repair. We want them to know that because of sin, creation waits with eager longing for the revealing of the sons of God, when it will be set free from its bondage to corruption and will obtain the freedom of the glory of the children of God (Rom 8:16-25). We want them to grasp God’s entire plan for redemption and the blessed moment when we will fully “enter into” eternity.
Perseverance
We pray for [name of child]’s future: we pray that he would never know a day apart from the Lord Jesus. We pray that he would turn from his sin and trust in you. We pray that he would be obedient, and that he would see his obedience as a blessing.
One of our previous ministers queried whether we were trusting our children to the Lord if we were raising them as Christians while simultaneously praying for their salvation. We were unintentionally positing salvation as some mysterious future event, as opposed to a lived reality that should be grasped and trusted in the present. We took that minister’s advice and changed the wording of that part to reflect our hope that our children would live as if every day were a precious gift from the Lord, to be experienced in the fullness of relationship with him.
By praying this as part of their evening prayers, we are encouraging our children subtly to know that even their “worst” day can still be salvaged in the sovereignty and providence of Christ. There is never a day that they can consider to be “apart” from the Lord Jesus.
Faithfulness to God’s plans
We pray that [name of child] would grow up to be a solid, godly man, and that whatever you call him to do, he would do it with all his might to serve the Lord Jesus, for his kingdom and his glory. We pray that he would look for the day of Jesus’s return—in whose name we pray.
This was perhaps the hardest change to make: I strongly desire that my children will grow up strong in the Lord and be the kind of men and women who make quality spouses and parents. However, in the earlier version of the prayer, implicitly we were subordinating, if not altogether disqualifying, singleness as a path of service to the Lord. We realised that by broadening the scope of this part of the prayer, we are asking God to direct our children’s service to him in whatever capacity they find themselves in, allowing equally for the possibilities of singleness, marriage and children.
While we still hope to see the blessing of godly descendants from our sons and daughters, we emphasise the value of “children in the faith” (1 Cor 4:15, 17; 1 Tim 1:2; Titus 1:4). Furthermore, we want to impress upon our children that faithfulness in service begins now, even in childhood; it is not a milestone to be reached in adulthood.
If you also struggle to model Christian disciplines to your kids, my parting encouragement is to choose an area of discipline (like bedtime prayers) that, as a family unit, you think you can maintain. Start small with a view to making refinements over time. Please share those refinements and the theological convictions that underpin them with your family, and use those times as yet another opportunity to both grow them and to model growth. Demonstrate the grace and patience of our heavenly Father, who knows our weaknesses and who does not mandate any one standard or regimen in these things. In humble obedience, something small day by day can become a foundation that you and your family build upon in joy, not obligation.
Dan Gillis is in his final year at Moore College.
Scripture quotations are from The ESV® Bible (The Holy Bible, English Standard Version®), copyright © 2001 by Crossway, a publishing ministry of Good News Publishers. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
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Endnotes
1 e.g. from Colin Buchanan, Seeds Family Worship and The Rizers.
2 For reference, this is the original version of the prayer:
Dear heavenly Father,
Thank you for Daddy, and Mummy, and [siblings]. Thank you for our friends and family. Thank you for our home and all the wonderful things you have given us to look after and enjoy. Most importantly, we thank you for Jesus. Thank you that he died on the cross to take away our sin so that we can spend eternity in heaven with you.
We pray for [name of child’s] future. We pray for his salvation. We pray that he would turn from his sin and trust in you. We pray that he would be obedient, and that he would see his obedience as a blessing. We pray that he would grow up to be a solid godly man, that he would take a wife and start a family, and that, together, they would bring glory and honour to you.
In Jesus’s name, Amen.
3 Obviously we adjust it according to which child we are praying for.
